A Letter to the Gods
by Retrobution
Summary: Percy writes a letter to the gods, telling them that they should be ashamed that they can't afford 'classier johns.' Includes a few other things in the letter too. Set during The Lightning Thief. A oneshot and might be OOC.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians**

Percy's POV:

I was currently sitting in the beach, thinking about my tour around Camp Half Blood. I was remembering my first fight with Clarisse in the toilet when I frowned.

Mr.D was the camp director- that was true- but this was a camp for the children of the gods. The gods had Olympus; the demigods had Camp Half Blood. Shouldn't the demigods live in part of that Olympus luxury? For one, they should afford classier johns. And I knew exactly how to get it. A letter to the gods.

I went back to my cabin and started to rummage around my cabin, trying to find a piece of paper and a pen. The problem was that it takes a long time to find anything around here. My hands were aching badly, but it wasn't my fault I would usually get dish duty, since my cabin was messy.

It was a miracle that I found my supplies in a mere 15 minutes. It usually takes around 30 minutes, so this was a personal best.

English was murder to my eyes, so I wrote in Greek which I usually do in camp, and started thinking and writing at the same time:

To the Gods,

Look at the bottom if you want to know my name. Shouldn't you gods be able to afford classier johns? Seriously, you're gods. You guys get all the good luxury, while here, in Camp Half Blood; we have to train every day, expecting monsters to come if we only come there in the summer. And we don't even get the luxury of getting a good bathroom!

That's shameful. That's what I learned when I returned Zeus's stupid lightning bolt. I wasn't even the thief, and now I'm his most favorite nephew. Hooray.

Back to the main point. You don't have to, I know you gods don't even talk to your children, so you might think lowly of us, but at least afford a better bathroom. The gods should know better.

Percy Jackson

After that was finished, I sighed. Even though it was a short letter, it took a long time to write. I placed it in an envelope, poured a few drachmas in the pouch, and the envelope disappeared with a pop.

Now that that was done, I relaxed and waited for my reply letter. Which actually came sooner than expected...

-  
>On Olympus:<p>

"Zeus!" Hermes yelled and ran into the throne room. "Call a meeting! A letter was sent to the entire Olympian council."

Zeus was currently reading a newspaper, and was nearly falling asleep when he heard Hermes say his words.

"What letter makes him/her think they are important enough to send a letter to Olympus!" Zeus boomed.

Hermes scanned the letter with his eyes.

"Percy Jackson."

"And what makes him think that he's important enough to send a letter to Olympus!"

But the entire council was already there. Being the most curious one, Athena asked what had happened first.

"What is it father?" Athena questioned.

"It is a letter-" Zeus began, but was interrupted.

Apollo grabbed the letter from Hermes's hands and started reading it:

"To the Gods,

Look at the bottom if you want to know my name. Shouldn't you gods be able to afford classier johns? Seriously, you're gods. You guys get all the good luxury, while here, in Camp Half Blood; we have to train every day, expecting monsters to come if we only come there in the summer. And we don't even get the luxury of getting a good bathroom!

That's shameful. That's what I learned when I returned Zeus's stupid lightning bolt. I wasn't even the thief, and now I'm his most favorite nephew. Hooray.

Back to the main point. You don't have to, I know you gods don't even talk to your children, so you might think lowly of us, but at least afford a better bathroom. The gods should know better.

Percy Jackson."

No one spoke while the letter was being read, and no one spoke afterwards either. But everyone knows a silence for the gods could never last.

"S-s-stupid lightning bolt! My lightning bolt is not stupid!" Zeus thundered.

"Stupid punk-" Ares began.

"That's my son!" Poseidon said proudly.

"Trust the sea spawn to send that letter." Athena said directly after Poseidon.

A timid voice spoke out, but even though it was quiet, the gods all heard it. Hestia was looking at each one of them.

"Perseus Jackson is correct." Hestia held out her hand before anyone could fight again. "I've been there and tended the hearth there plenty of times. They train everyday. If a war breaks out, I know it will be them to save you. The least we can do is to improve their living style. Do what Perseus has said. That's the least you can do."

Silence again. Shocked for one. Hestia rarely spoke during the meetings, and when she did speak, it usually made sense.

"What Hestia said is correct." Surprisingly it was Artemis who said that. "I think we should do what he asks. Even if he is a male."

Apollo was about to tease his sis for agreeing to what a male asked, but heard the last part.

"Classier johns," Hermes chuckled.

Zeus was busy grumbling, but the council still had to vote.

"All in favor?" Zeus asked grumpily.

All hands rose up for their children. Even though he was either a male, sea spawn, brat, or a punk.

Although Artemis had no children of her own (and was planning to keep it that way) she knew the demigods would help them in a war someday.

"I'll write the reply!" Apollo and Hermes shouted together.

Hermes summoned a pencil, and Apollo summoned a sheet of paper. Knowing they couldn't be stopped, the other gods watched them for a few minutes. They finished in 10 minutes and Hermes read it aloud.

"Dear Percy Jackson,

We will do what you asked. When you get this letter, the toilets will be replaced into better ones.

Cheers!

The Olympian council,

Written by Hermes and Apollo."

And with that being read aloud, Hermes delivered the message.

-  
>Percy's POV:<p>

I expected the letter to come in a few months, possibly years. But it came a lot earlier than expected. It came back in a few hours. I was in my cabin when a light came, and the letter appeared. I ripped the envelope off hastily, and scanned the letter with my eyes.

I wouldn't say that I had no faith in the gods the entire time. Well actually forget that. I thought that they would say no. The gods are too stubborn. Maybe I should have added that to the letter...

So I was surprised when they said yes. I was going to show Chiron the letter when it burst into fire in my hands. A scream came out and I was pretty sure that it was me.

I'm glad that no one heard me. But maybe that was because it was dinnertime and I wasn't there. I didn't really care what happened if I was late though. I'm glad that whoever has to experience Clarisse's wrath at their first day can at least get their head dunked in a better bathroom than before...  
><strong><br>A/N: This will remain an oneshot. And I know it is OOC. It was harder writing this than I thought it would be. I've even having this idea for some time, so I'm glad I've written it down. I hoped you enjoyed it, and if you can, please review!  
><strong>


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